Let my brain food nourish you (or poison you, either way…)

(A Myspace Blog Repost)

Why hello my imaginary friends as well as my secret hipster enemies. I bring scattered news as well as an offer for free booze to feed the alcoholic demon beast that makes you fun to be around in social settings. Whoa, wait a second, not so fast Boris. The free booze comes with a rage educing, licorice tasting catch. First I’ll treat you to some news combined with without of place, useless knowledge thrown in the mix to keep your attention focused away from your alcohol withdraw “shakes” so you can focus on the magical words in front of your lazy eye.

For example: Christopher Columbus and the rest of the European Jerks in the 1400’s knew the world was round. So why were we taught that Chris went to the Queen with a mission to prove the world was round? Aside from the obvious answer that public school are a joke, an 1800’s superstar American by the name of Washington Irving made up the Columbus story in his biography of the famous Italian. As silly as that was I totally forgive Irving. Not for writing Sleepy Hollow or Rip Van Winkle, but rather writing about St. Nick flying around in a magical wagon, in-turn laying the foundation for the whole modern Santa Clause story that fed my greedy childhood appetite until the age of 22.

Now Impaler news before I treat you to more trivia that you plan to spout off to that judgmental bartender you are obsessed with.

Despite Impaler being released as a torrent for ya bastard pirates to download, this no budget, experimental documentary continues to surprise me. Snagfilms, the documentary site boasting over 925 films last time I checked and the company (best documentary movie site in the world according to Zeus) who controls Impaler’s online ad revenue exhibition, released the top 10 most watched films for their first year and Impaler is on the list. Can you guess what number we placed in the top ten? 6!

(insert 80’s style vocals belting out “SA-A-ATAN” while shooting the world the double “Hook-’em-Horns” hand gesture) After SnagFilms and Hulu made a partnership and Hulu.com chose ten initial documentaries to premiere with Impaler being one of them… Well it now sort of makes sense to me… I digress…

Why look here, they even made a special SnagFilms widget for the top 10.

I am going to borderline brag, but not to impress you, rather to show Matt Resovich how it’s done. To my knowledge I’m the only one who worked on two movies in the top ten. Of course Impaler being one, as well as The End of America. I’m the jerk running around with a camera at the beginning of the documentary shooting “Americana” and asking “what do you love about America?” 10,000 times to random strangers. YOU FIND THAT INTERESTING.

This leads me back to Matt Resovich as well as the number 6, but first nourish yourself with my brain porridge.

Brain Porridge MASHUP:

Starting where I left off, Santa Claus, some speculate, will be studied by scholars in 2,000+ years the way we study the Greek and Roman Gods. (I just made that up to transition nicely into…) The Emperor Caligula once decided to go to war with the Roman God of the sea, Mighty Poseidon. He ordered his soldiers to throw their spears… into the water… at random. Maybe Caligula was simply frightened of beards, also known as Pogonophobia. Could that have had something to do with the English Parliament abolishing Christmas in 1647? Santa’s beard? The Puritans banned singing Christmas Carols because they felt it took away from the true spirit of Christmas. At least they were not as dunce as Theodor Herzi, a Zionist leader from the 1800’s who had the wise idea of converting Jews to Christianity as a way to stop Antisemitism. Also in the 1800’s (1849 to be exact) David Atchison became the U.S. President… for just one day… a day he chose to spend sleeping. Speaking of leadership, Albert Einstein was offered the Presidency of Israel but turned it down cold giving the excuse that he really didn’t have a head for problems. I wonder if Einstein spoke out in regret while on his deathbed? Too bad we’ll never know because when Albert died he spoke his final words in German… to a nurse who didn’t understand a lick of German. Well played Albert, well played.

Now, back to Matt Resovich and his “tasteful self promotion” disability. I’ll quote this article in the San Diego City Beat …

“San Diego City Beat

Matt Resovich may be the hardest-​working man in San Diego music, and although you may have never heard of him, you’ve likely heard of the bands he plays with: everyone from The Album Leaf and The Black Heart Procession to newcomers like John Meeks and Little White Teeth. While certainly a proficient multi-​instrumentalist​,​ Resovich plays a really mean violin, which had him running from venue to venue on July 29 to perform with both Leaf and Teeth.

But it was his solo performance at The Casbah on Monday (opening for Black Mamba and Lymbyc Systym) where music fans could truly get an idea of just how rare and special a musician he is. Playing under the name Roll Film—a not-so-subtle nod to his scoring work for films like Impaler—he played a short, mostly instrumental, set that had everyone in the room enthralled (and one guy drunkenly waltzing alone). Using an assortment of pedals, he loops his violin, keyboard and guitar sounds into what can only be described as a one-man Southern psychedelic dirge that would make even the devil cry.

He ended the set with a cover of the Pink Floyd obscurity “Green is the Colour,” his voice taking on a Bill Callahan matter-​of-​factness that made lyrics like “white is the light that shines through the dress that you wore” sound like the soundtrack to a Civil War soldier coming home to make love to his wife. One couldn’t help but think that if Pitchfork or No Depression had been there, they’d be proclaiming him one of most underrated musicians around. Resovich’s music is just that full of light.

—Seth Combs”

—————————————–

So yeah, it’s safe to say “The Resovich” is Major League. He’s also a patient guy always ready to dole out a scoop of “Resovich Wisdom” all up in ya grill. Chances are he’ll be making a stop in your city soon so be sure to stand outside his hotel room fiddling “The Devil Went Down To Georgia” over and over until he comes out to accept your “fiddle off” challenge. It shouldn’t take longer than 30 minutes to get him in a fiddle death match.

Speaking of the number 30, I’m serving you a snack sized bowl of brain stew as a teaser for my next blog. What does The Sphinx, New Orleans, the Tonkawa Indians of east Texas, The Tibetan city of Lhasa, and awesome conspiracy theories have in common? – - I gave you a hint already…

Take the hint, duplicate hint, take off the zeros and divide by two and what do we have?

SIX

Impaler = 6th most watched movie on SnagFilms, Number Six from Battlestar Galactica and I are having an imaginary affair….

So it’s only fitting that The Black Heart Procession’s brand new album, entitled “SIX” is one of the few albums this year that should go down as a personal classic. For me, exploring an album that ends up becoming a personal classic always follows the same pattern. First step is having one song that I play over and over, in this case it was Witching Stone. Eventually another song grows on me (When You Finish Me)and the next thing I know every song on the album makes perfect sense as one unit. I start to understand that I am able to add the all too scarce and precious commodity of a “full length album that is excellent front to back” to the my box of A-Listers. SIX was made with the qualities I love. Rich and subtle complexity impossible to pin down….

So if you can relate to what I am saying I highly recommend shelling out the cost of a drunken Taco Bell meal because it’s worth the money and I want them to be able to continue making music.

So you are saying to yourself… “OK, cool beans mighty Overlord Tray, but what about the free booze you mentioned?”….

The Black Heart Procession are about to tour. I’ll be at the Austin, TX show on the 23, the Denton, TX show the next day on Oct.24th…. On top of that if my shooting schedule works out like planned I’ll be at the shows in Jersey (Oct. 31st), NYC (Nov. 1st), and Boston (Nov. 3rd)…. San Francisco on Nov. 15 is a possibility but I’m not 100% sure on that yet.

So here is the deal. If one of those cities is close to you then come out, bring friends, whatever…. find me and say hi to turn on the free booze auto pilot. Only two rules. 1) I pay .. 2) We take a shot of Jagermiester and only Jager….. and that’s how I went bankrupt… Damn I love live shows…

5 things before I depart:

1) Congrats to The Album Leaf for winning best Electronic again this year at the San Diego Music Awards.

2) Congrats to Drew Andrews for being twice nominated at the San Diego Music Awards as well.

3) Make sure to check out Matt’s profile as well as Black Heart’s for good tunes and showtime.

4) I’ll be writing another blog in the next 5 days that should be of interest to you… yes I mean you….

5) Finally I might as well address this, if only to slow down the messages. Yes I am currently working on a documentary about Scientology, and yes Project Chanology and Anonymous are important parts of the story in some parts.

6) I’m going to try and respond to each message over the weekend. Sorry I kind of dumped Myspace, but she suckered me back in.

W. Tray White

(If anyone read this whole thing you are insane… the good kind)

No, you’re a Tool… Hardy Har

For no reason I give you Tool. The first video is just Maynard James Keenan spouting off like he does. The second video is a nice little show before they became rock stars, wine makers, and actors.

And yes, feel free to download the concert Tool, Puscifer, and/or A Perfect Circle fans. I have to admit I have been a Tool fan since 1993, but I can’t stand A Perfect Circle or Puscifer.

NICE OLD TOOL CONCERT

Gonorrhea of the eye is no laughing matter (or Trust me and just say it)

This entry, while empyreal as always, is going to take a more staid approach. The galvanizing force for such a posting can be attributed to Jessica, my partner in crime and borderline evil, nay, sadistic giver of Pink Eye; otherwise known as “Satanic eye spittle” or as Zany Jessica calls it, “Haha, your eye is funny looking.” Let me start from the beginning.

Now, this is a story all about how
My eye got caked with yellow clouds
And I liked to take a minute
Just sit right there
I’ll tell you how how Jessica threw my eye in dire need of repair.

In Southern California we meet all crazed
Bronx Pizza is where we like to graze
Piggin’ out maxin’ digestin’ all cool
And eating my pepperoni was for real kind-a cruel
Well my big blue eyes were up to no good
And started groping Jessy like a good boss should

…and so on… wait, no, no, no. Stop playing Fresh Prince in that feeble, alcohol damaged, intercourse daydreaming, sorrow inducing, crocodile tear producing, anatomically inferior section that you call your “idea zone” and think of rainbow ice cream with a sprinkle of gold (pink eye crust)

So now we go, go, go. I listened to Jessica’s ideas about presentation and cut my long, 1983 style blue mo-hawk, shaved my indie singer/songwriter “fright mask” (beard) and walked around with cologne and a suit while we worked. In return she gave my molesting eye the “glooper” syndrome. See below.

(That’s right, I used children’s safety scissors. Don’t hate)

(So this is what it feels like what doves cry…)

(Before the Pink Eye attack I was climbing trees with my sister. Life was good as you can tell by my lean and muscular arms. The same arms that strangled three baby Panda Bears ten minutes before this picture was taken.)

(I also mocked silly art, now silly art mocks the gonorrhea eye)

(I finally understand the pain Trent Reznor has been sobbing about for two decades)

(I have a feeling this lady was in cahoots with Jessica… I’m just not sure how… Yet)

So Jessica, do you find your terrorism entertaining still? I didn’t think so. Speaking of entertaining, I have had a lucky month that I will lay out for you. No, no, you can lie to yourself but don’t lie to me. We both know your putrid mouth is frothing with anticipation.

Of course my little minimalist, experimental, and highly noncommercial documentary about Jonathon “The Impaler” Sharkey has news of some kind every day.

1. Snagfilms, the documentary site boasting over 840 films last time I checked and the company who controls Impaler’s on-line ad revenue exhibition released the top 10 most watched films for their first year and Impaler is on the list. Besides being one of the top 10 the number ranking is unknown, other then the fact Morgan Spurlock’s Super-Size Me was number 1…. You win this round Morgan…. But in a way I win the entire war because I have 2 films on the list. The only filmmaker who can boast such a feat. The End of America that I worked on, and Impaler that I did it all on. Oh Morgan, I know you love them apples, just don’t choke on the loophole win I totally pulled on you. Chin up, you’ll get your groove back sonny.

LIST HERE

2. Snagfilms also made public the selected filmmaker profile’s section in the last day or so. Why am I listed with the top independent documentary filmmakers working today? Do they know my karate is legendary, or do they simply fear my absurd hair? You decide.

LIST HERE

My awesome hair/grooming page

A side note: The full (or very close to full) question and answer that Hulu.com had me fill out is listed on the Impaler movie page, and I think my Snagfilms profile page. (I can’t look at my page for more then a minute before I begin to close my eyes and shake my head wondering why I send those pictures in… I rule)

3. I’ve also been working on a book for over 3 years. While I have some nifty connections it’s not my style to harass anyone before the book is finished. Feels low class or something. No matter, I was speaking with a very reputable publisher, my book came up in passing and she is interested. Mind you I have no idea what my main theme is and am clueless as to how to end it. Knowing that she still insisted on keeping in touch… and that brings me to.

4. I had been stuck on how to end this one chapter that is roughly 7 months in the making. Without trying or even thinking about it, an absurd/borderline annoying situation took place and now I have the entire chapter wrapped up. It just so happens to be the most culturally substantial chapter so far. A wonderfully happy accident just in time as I continue to move forward on my new documentary.

Also, a little wisdom I’ll spew your way. Speaking from more then a handful of experiences, family Doctors are idiots. Whatever they tell you, if you have doubts you are probably right and they are probably wrong.

OK, well I’ve given you lurkers enough of my good vibes to grant your empty lives at least 3 days of joy. I’ll leave the good stuff for myself.

However I was in such a good mood today I uploaded 3 scenes I enjoy. No Anna Green Gables or the Princess Bride my stealthy LDS lurkers. These are scenes that make me happy.

Please enjoy the 3 videos videos as my treat to you.

BUT before leaving to watch, I need to end my story. Jessica helped me get a pretty nice place and when we were looking at jogging trails a bunch of rockers started making trouble in my neighborhood. I got in one little fight and my mom got scared. She said ‘You’re movin’ with your auntie and uncle in Bel Air’

I whistled for a cab and when it came near. The license plate said ‘FRESH’ and it had dice in the mirror. If anything I can say this cab is rare. But I thought ‘Now forget it’ – ‘Yo homes to Bel Air’

I pulled up to the house about 7 or 8, and I yelled to the cabbie ‘Yo homes smell ya later’
I looked at my kingdom, I was finally there. To settle my throne as the Prince of Bel Air.

It’s great you don’t have The Fresh Prince of Bel Air stuck in your head all over again.

W. Tray White wishing all night terrors and rotten oysters… I’m looking at you Jessica.

The Happy and the Horrific.

It’s been a while my sweet imaginary reader, so I’ll make it up by packing 2 fresh blogs on here today.

-Happy news first. The docu-comedy “Impaled: Painfully Blunt” about Jonathon Sharkey made it’s world premiere in Ohio at the Geauga Film Festival and just happened to win the Best Feature Film Award. I’ll go into more detail later because this deserves a separate post.

-Now the horrific. So I am recovering from the sleep deprivation and getting back into the normal “Tray” routine. Doing three things every day not only keep me level, but actually make me feel like I’m not a ball of insanity looking to headbutt hipsters for personal entertainment.

These three things are:

1) Read the news.

2) Exercise to exhaustion, hopefully from competition. Basketball, Racquetball, etc…

3) Play a good dose of X-Box Live, hopefully getting in loud and pointless arguments with teenagers.

So what is so horrific you ask? The news, or rather needing to absorb all I have ignored. The Iran election results and the protests that followed are quite interesting, but the way Youtube and Twitter made the world smaller is truly fascinating. Every person with a camera phone and the guts to get in the mix has become a journalist. Unfortunately we are not looking at another Iranian revolution shooting in the opposite direction their last one went, but if the young Persians are able to gather a true sense of empowerment then we might see some amazing leaders emerge in the next 5 or 10 years.

I watched the amateur videos on Youtube for hours and unfortunately ran across several gritty clips of people being murdered on the streets. I usually do what I can to avoid watching death on camera but my mind was focused on soaking up everything so I was shocked several times and wish I could take back some of what I saw.

As my way of dealing with it and to make sure I would not dwell on the horrific I made a video. I actually think it’s the first video I made and published that wasn’t done for the sole reason of being obnoxious. I make plenty of random videos for myself but never publish them. The insanity in Iran is something I feel most adults and young adults need to see. It is graphic in a couple of parts, and the whole situation is unimaginable. At the same time I found great beauty in the common humanity we share with these strangers on the other side of the world.

Next time you have someone yapping in your ear about what a “fascist/terrible/anything absurd” country America is, make sure you have them watch some of the Iran election videos to give them a little perspective.

For somebody that I used to know

THE HOLLOW MEN
By
T. S. Elliot

Mistah Kurtz—he dead.

    A penny for the Old Guy

    I

We are the hollow menWe are the stuffed menLeaning togetherHeadpiece filled with straw. Alas!Our dried voices, whenWe whisper togetherAre quiet and meaninglessAs wind in dry grassOr rats’ feet over broken glassIn our dry cellar

Shape without form, shade without colour,Paralysed force, gesture without motion;

Those who have crossedWith direct eyes, to death’s other KingdomRemember us—if at all—not as lostViolent souls, but onlyAs the hollow menThe stuffed men.

    II

Eyes I dare not meet in dreamsIn death’s dream kingdomThese do not appear:There, the eyes areSunlight on a broken columnThere, is a tree swingingAnd voices areIn the wind’s singingMore distant and more solemnThan a fading star.

Let me be no nearerIn death’s dream kingdomLet me also wearSuch deliberate disguisesRat’s coat, crowskin, crossed stavesIn a fieldBehaving as the wind behavesNo nearer—

Not that final meetingIn the twilight kingdom

    III

This is the dead landThis is cactus landHere the stone imagesAre raised, here they receiveThe supplication of a dead man’s handUnder the twinkle of a fading star.

Is it like thisIn death’s other kingdomWaking aloneAt the hour when we areTrembling with tendernessLips that would kissForm prayers to broken stone.

    IV

The eyes are not hereThere are no eyes hereIn this valley of dying starsIn this hollow valleyThis broken jaw of our lost kingdoms

In this last of meeting placesWe grope togetherAnd avoid speechGathered on this beach of the tumid river

Sightless, unlessThe eyes reappearAs the perpetual starMultifoliate roseOf death’s twilight kingdomThe hope onlyOf empty men.

    V

Here we go round the prickly pearPrickly pear prickly pearHere we go round the prickly pearAt five o’clock in the morning.

Between the ideaAnd the realityBetween the motionAnd the actFalls the Shadow                              For Thine is the Kingdom

Between the conceptionAnd the creationBetween the emotionAnd the responseFalls the Shadow                              Life is very long

Between the desireAnd the spasmBetween the potencyAnd the existenceBetween the essenceAnd the descentFalls the Shadow                              For Thine is the Kingdom

For Thine isLife isFor Thine is the

This is the way the world endsThis is the way the world endsThis is the way the world endsNot with a bang but a whimper.

Tray’s heroes, lunatics, and the just plain cool. Part 1

This sleep deprivation experience gives me hours of isolation at night. Perfect for researching social networking sites, studying internet sub cultures, enjoying temporary insanity, and performing other ridiculous tasks. However, I did get into the habit of looking up people that are better then you and I.

In no order, heroes, lunatics, and the just plain cool.
This is part 1:

1) Jill Stevens – This lovely lass, Utah Native, and devout Mormon won Miss Southern Utah University, along with Miss Davis County. Jill kept chugging along and won Miss Utah 2007 and competed for Miss America in 2008, winning America’s choice award. So what? Beauty pageants are absurd you say? Hold that thought and let’s rewind back to 2002. A teenage Jill Stevens signed up for the Utah National Guard as a combat medic. In November 2003, she was shipped to Afghanistan where she served by treating the wounded.

In April 2005 Jill came back from the Afghanistan war zone sporting 5 medals for her fantastic service. If that wasn’t impressive enough, she was the first female finisher of the inaugural Afghanistan Marathon. Jill has completed a total of 12 marathons, just a simple addition to her many achievements including the highest Fitness award during Army Basic Training along with the honor of representing the Army National Guard while giving a speech to Generals from 40 different nations. Sergeant Stevens graduated Summa Cum Laude from the Nursing program at Southern Utah University on a four-year leadership scholarship. Last summer, she placed 3rd in the Cinco De Mayo Sailboat Regatta in Mexico and the list goes on.

Some might ask what she was doing in beauty pageants after such an eventful 7 years, and I imagine she would reply that she was doing whatever the hell she felt like. Now for the cherry on top. Jill made it to the final 16 only to be eliminated after the swimsuit contest. Now the fact that she was the only contestant to wear a one piece swimsuit, and the grand idea to drop down on stage to do push ups when they called her name might have been a factor for her not making it to the next round. I doubt her confidence was hurt much.

2) Grigori Rasputin – Imagine this. You make some nice friends who invite you over for an evening of music and fine dining. Little do you know they plan on murdering you. As you stuff your mouth with delicious pastries laced with cyanide, and swirl the poisoned wine through your yellow teeth your “friends” grow confused with every breath you take. Then a buddy pulls out a gun and shoots you. After an hour of bleeding the shooter wants to take a gander at your putrid corpse, only you freak him out by attacking him. After scaring the hell out of your friend with the always hilarious “I am a zombie” technique, you run like Gump in Vietnam. Two bullets fly past you while the third one plants in your back, the next straight into your skull. Of course your friend kicks you in the head for good measure then your other pal smashes your face with a dumbbell.

So after ingesting scrumptious poison pastries, being shot three times including a delicious bullet to the brain, and bludgeoned in the face with a dumbbell you pull one more joke on your friends by not dying. Instead of wasting more bullets they tie you up and throw you in an ice covered river, alive. When the authorities pull your comically lifeless body out of the wretched Russian water they find your hands in a clawing position under the ice.

That is how Rasputin left this world. Imagine how this mystic healer from Serbia lived. More on him in my next installment.

3) Jack Churchill – “Really? I mean seriously?” was my response when I first heard about this dude. He made such a giant impression on those around him he has become a sort of Bill Braskey character, but make no mistake, this was one seriously bad ass mofo. Churchill is so amazing I have no choice but to make him a topic I go back to often in my ramblings, simply on principle. So, since “Mad Jack” is going to be explored more in depth I’ll give you a taste of one of the top 10, if not the single most insane/astonishing/bad ass combat soldiers in all of World War 2.

During World War II he would play the bagpipes when he felt like pumping up his fellow soldiers. He also never went anywhere without a bow, plenty of arrows, a claymore. Storming a beach with his sword firmly in hand screaming his battle cry of “COOMMAAAAAAANNDOOOO!!!!!” like a champ was how this dude rolled. In case you are wondering if he was just an attention whore consider that he is the only known British soldier, or soldier I could find in the whole war who used a bow and arrow to humiliate and mangle (possibly murder, it’s unclear) an enemy, as he did to some silly German. He was captured by the Nazi swine twice being tossed into a concentration camp both times. Naturally he scoffed at the idea and escaped on each occasion, further adding shame to the German nation. No time to dive into his modeling career, surfing skills, being shot in the neck yet still attacking, or his rescue operation successfully evacuating 700 Jews. We’ll get to that next time. For now enjoy a shortened story about one of his many experiences mocking Germans.

While France was cowering to Hitler’s military might, desperately trying to hold the Maginot Line, Mad Jack was thrown into the mix right before the Germans decided to take over the land of weak willed appeasers. Not wanting to die for, and in such a shit hole, the British ran toward the sea, and this is how the shameful/heroic incident known as “Dunkirk” came about.

Displaying the best part of Great Britain and probably wanting to find some trouble, Jack Churchill was insulted at the idea the he would let the Swine take one inch of ground. Becoming more angry at the thought, and probably disgusted by the sound of that guttural German language, he grabbed some other lunatics and went around guerrilla style, raiding, attacking, and mocking the Swine by non-stop assaults on critical German positions, showing a particular interest in their supply depots. Feeling a need to further insult the Blitzkrieg and displaying a taste of the British spirit the German army would soon find out about, I leave you with the only thing you need to know about Mad Jack. During this guerrilla style attempt to stall the Nazi pigs and buy his fellow soldiers enough time to be rescued off of that God awful continent, Churchill had the grand idea to hop in a motorcycle carrying his bow and arrow as well as his broadsword and launched surprise attacks directly in enemy territory. After hacking a few Germans he would zip away leaving the Nazi’s the only way Jack Churchill knew how… confused, humiliated and dead.

4) Mark Brandon Read – I remember before Dexter and other such shows, it seemed like everyone had the idea of writing a book or making a movie about a serial killer who kills serial killers. Take that down a notch and you have “Chopper” Read, a violent criminal who committed crimes against other criminals, and only other criminals. By the time this Australian was a teen, fist fighting and robbing the local drug dealer while becoming the leader of a local gang seemed to come naturally.

Torturing gangsters by way of a saw, blowtorch, bolt cutters and any other gruesome device to chop off gangster’s toes as an extra gift before turning them into piles of lifeless meat also came naturally. Mark flourished in in prison. From the age of 20 until 38 he spent all but 13 months behind bars, causing a comical assortment of unnecessary problems for the other prisoners as well as the guards.

What makes Chopper exceptional is his charm and quick wits. It’s not enough that he terrified the hardest of the hard, but he did it all with a touch of humor without loosing a sense of joy and fun that should come with life… even when having a prison pal saw off his ears or politely complimenting his best friend while said friend was in the process of shoving a sharp metal object into Chopper’s flesh. He truly had a “don’t sweat the small stuff and it’s all small stuff” mentality.

Now maybe he did kill 19 people. Maybe he did take a pimp who was trying to make a 13 year old turn into a prostitute and beat said pimp into submission. Maybe I should soak in Mark’s quote where he states; “never let the truth get in the way of a good yarn.” Chopper is a best selling author, is in the music business and the subject of one of my favorite movies. The movie entitled “Chopper” stars Eric Bana in the lead role and is available to buy or rent. I suggest buying it. Before you watch below for Chopper goodness I’ll add one last thing. Chopper is currently dying. He would have a fantastic chance of prolonging his life with a liver transplant. As much as this bloke loves life he absolutely refuses to accept the operation because, despite the violent acts committed against hardened criminals, Mark Brandon Read is a modern day anti-hero with a very real understanding of right and wrong, good and bad, as well as deserving and undeserving.

5) Richard Floyd McCoy Jr. and probably the mysterious D.B. Cooper – I started with a Mormon so it only seems fitting to end with one. Jill Stevens and McCoy’s shared religion is not the only commonality between these Utah loving folk. In fact a fine line separates the two. Richard McCoy was a stand out in every sense of the word. I am not sure if it was really about money that turned him sour, but rather a real addiction that only adrenaline junkies would be able to truly understand.

Richard already served honorably in Vietnam being discharged in 1965, went to Brigham Young University in Utah, met his wife, got married, and by the time 1971 rolled around he had managed to take part in his wife popping out a few kids. Then McCoy’s restless soul drew him back to the Army and volunteered his service for his country. His only demand was that he be sent to serve in Vietnam or he would stop the process of joining up again… Brass my friends, brass.

Now not only did Richard McCoy return back to his family safe and sound, but had some nice set of shiny metals awarded by the Army for his fantastic service. He seemed to burst right back into a productive and rewarding life, teaching Sunday School and spending time with his family. He also served in the Utah National Guard and was a fanatic for skydiving. Sound like the kind of dad all boys thinks they have until the raging hormones of puberty kick in.

What makes him legendary is how unbelievable his robbery, or possible “robberies” actually were. For almost anybody else on this planet McCoy’s robbery style would be classified absolutely insane, for good old Floyd I doubt he even considered another way. You see the details are interesting but the big picture is all that matters.

The dude hijacked an airplane in midair with an empty gun and fake grenade. After he snatched up half a million bucks McCoy pulled an evil James Bond character move on everyone by jumping out of the motherfucking plane. After popping open his parachute I can only assume he spent the next ten minutes laughing hysterically before landing on solid ground and hitching a ride from some jerkoff. A couple of days later Floyd was flying a helicopter for the National Guard as part of a massive manhunt to find himself. Unfortunately that jerkoff who gave him a lift went to the police and blew his cover, simple because Floyd happened to be carrying a bag full of money and dressed in a jumpsuit.

Two more elements to this story. The first one is the matter of D.B. Cooper. D.B. is a name given by the press for a guy who did literally the same damn thing less then a year earlier. The case was never solved. Other suspects are considered but McCoy is the only one that makes sense. The second element is after spending two years behind Federal bars McCoy built a fake, but apparently realistic looking pistol out of dental paste. He and some fellow convicts were able to hijack a garbage truck and drive that baby through the gates and on to freedom… Well freedom that lasted roughly three months until Richard spotted the F.B.I. waiting at his doorstep. Of course McCoy was too gangsta for all that noise and did what any true clean cut, Mormon thug would do… He pulled out his gun and started shooting. One of those bastard F.B.I. agents sprayed our hero with a shotgun dropping him like the boulder that got tossed on Piggy’s fat little head.

So what is that fine line that separates two people that share such a uniquely similar life as in the case of Richard McCoy and Jill Stevens? In my opinion I don’t give a damn. I just like the idea of McCoy listening to Tu Pac and Biggie talk about how gangsta they used to be, finally opening his mouth and saying “yeah I guess that’s cool. I only skyjacked a couple of airplanes, jumped out with a pile of cash while in mid air, broke out of prision with crap I stole from the dentists office, then went out in a blaze of glory… but yeah, your stories are cool… I guess.”

Pretentious Book Reviews Se01 e01 – Black Rednecks and White Liberals by: Thomas Sowell

I have read just about every book considered to be “must reads” for Republicans / Libertarians. I can sum up 90% in that category using the exact same sentence. Here it is:

“I agreed with probably 70% and I enjoyed it but didn’t learn anything groundbreaking nor did it make me rethink my personal views in any way”

NOT THE CASE WITH BLACK REDNECKS AND WHITE LIBERALS (all caps means serious business)

Black Rednecks is different in almost every way from Ayn Rand’s Atlas Shrugged, however the feeling of intellectual power found in Shrugged washes over you while reading Sowell’s masterpiece.

Thomas Sowell’s Libertarian views are no secret to the average political junkie on the Right or Left, however this book is factually driven, as opposed to ideologically driven. Of course he provides the reader with his social commentary, but every argument is supported with a solid foundation of facts and presented with an almost Epictetus style of Stoicism.

Or in other words, Sgt. Joe Friday and Spock got together and wrote a book on a variety of topics dealing with American culture in regards to race, ethnic identity, and the true roots of group cultures and lifestyles. They expose the negative results of collective historical ignorance and being complicit in the support of false, but politically correct culture acceptance either out of ignorance or zealous ideology. They present the evidence, then they analyze it. The analysis of their data is almost always in direct conflict with what would be considered common knowledge and is often times highly enlightening as well as controversial.

Common results for close minded, unprepared readers include, but are not limited to:

-Face contortions caused by psychotic rage do to their fanatical beliefs being savagely beaten into submission.

-The reader covering their ears and closing their eyes while singing “La-La-La shut up-shut up La-La-La” until they are able to find a website that backs up what they want to believe without that pesky burden of intellectual stimulation.

-The reader taking a 4 hours shower trying to scrub the shame of being exposed as a fraud off their greasy skin.

While this book is amazing I can not honestly recommend it to everyone who has an interest in politics. This is a rare book hiding in an ocean of unoriginal mediocrity. Think of this as an amazing band that you accidentally discovered. You know that if they had the right exposure rock star status would be given to them over night which worries you because their status of being unknown provides you with a feeling of intimacy and you fear that being destroyed. You are also filled with disgust because you know the general public is not worthy of this level of excellence.

Please be selective and keep in mind that giving this to Right Wing fanatics or die hard Leftists with the hope of changing them would be futile for obvious reasons. Also, anyone under 20 would probably find it long winded and would not be able to relate and fully grasp the concepts given their short life experience and the multicultural America they know. Of course exceptions always apply.

Happy reading.

Falcon Ridge Ranch Memories

To the Falcon Ridge people who have contacted me through E-mail, Youtube, etc… Some personal observations, opinions, and instead of nit picking FRR to death I’ll give you one nasty fact.

-Obviously I won’t name any names.

-I worked there a while ago so I can’t speak to the Ranch as it stands today in any specifics. However, I think my experience is a testament to not only the character of the the Ranch, but the industry as a whole.

- I have also worked at a few centers besides FRR so I understand the culture well enough to confidently speak about it.

Now let me preface the below with a few common sense acknowledgments. I have no doubt that FRR has helped many families, and yes, of course some kids have severe behavioral problems that truly need professional help, and sometimes a facility is the best place for them. Those cases are far and few between, and if FRR takes your daughter under their requirements then your daughter does not even come close to being in that category.

I also understand that parents are often, or can easily become overwhelmed, confused, and make choices out of love they end up regretting. We are human after all. To those who sent your child to FRR and have a bad taste in your mouth please understand the last thing I want to do if make you feel guilty, or terrible in any way.

Also, those mothers who felt like writing me your justification/hate E-mails go on and talk to your friends about how terrible your child is to further excuse yourself from any responsibility or blame. Having your clearly unjustified, condescending, and comically superior attitude fools no one worth fooling.

NOW-

A brief overview

When I started working there a couple of things jump out at me. First, the majority of the floor staff were decent, honest, and fair people, hell a few were down right fantastic. Despite the lack of any type of proper training, and the absolutely dismal paycheck, students were generally in good hands. A few of the floor staff were without question more mentally unstable then any student enrolled, but that has been the case at every place I have ever worked.

A common topic of conversation with random staff was talking about how quite a few parents would rather pay a bundle of money to have FRR raise their child. I always found the idea of cooperating in such a conversation to be low class and beneath me, but unfortunately it was a very common thought. Take from that what you will.

After a few weeks of working there full time I was hit with the realization that at least half of the students, if not more, had absolutely no business spending a year of their childhood in that place. Your teenage daughter is difficult, dishonest, rude and gets into trouble you say? Wow, shocker.

If you do not know that a frightening percentage working a career in the mental health industry are at best socially retarded, and at worst, lunatics then you need to live a little life and understand the value of being observant. To those who think 8 or 12 years of school and a few extra letters next to their name makes a person smart I urge you to go and spend time with as many as you can find, but prepare to feel sick to your stomach.

In the same breath if you think that college kids and strangers will be better for you child rather then your stern and consistent discipline, along with unconditional love, you need your head examined. Remember kids are supposed to drive you crazy, and when the teen years come their job is to try to get away with as much as possible, your job is to stop them in their tracks. Sounds easy, I know it is anything but.

In case you are wondering, yes I am married with two children.

ONE PATHETIC STORY OF MANY ABOUT FALCON RIDGE RANCH, BUT BY FAR THE MOST IMPORTANT:

This is what you came here for so I will give you the readers digest version. The two main players involve a 16 year old that I’ll call “Angie” and the grown man who ran FRR, we’ll call him “Marcus” here. Rumors started to circulate that Angie and Marcus were involved in a sexual relationship. As a staff member it was my job to put a stop to talk like that. I spoke with several of the girls about it and assured them it wasn’t true. I only started to become skeptical after this street smart and highly intelligent 13 year old from Las Vegas gave me some details. I approached the second person in charge and he was not able to ease my concern.

The rumor grew bigger and more elaborate, now involving pregnancy. Seemingly out of no where “Marcus” took a pregnant “Angie”, yes Angie was pregnant, and left. No one was positive where they went but rumors circulated that they went somewhere east. Angie’s father was a financial investor of sorts and showed up right away. I still remember the older man with his cane dearly concerned about his investment in Falcon Ridge, giving the staff a speech about how “everything will be fine” and so forth.

I think it took a day, maybe two before I quit. I wanted no part of the obvious cover up.

So yes, the grown man in charge of the place took advantage of a 16 year old, getting her pregnant then essentially kidnapping her. That is a fact. That is Falcon Ridge Ranch.

Kirk would beat Adama’s ass, and that whore Betty Draper broke my heart

The top shows on TV, PART 1:

In no real order:

1) Lost – Yeah if you haven’t watched this by now you are an asshole. This is by far the best show on TV. When I finally started watching it the snobbish side of me wanted to hate it but there is no better medicine to cope with your miserable life. Does the show make sense? Don’t ask stupid questions asshole.

2) Breaking Bad – The show where you desperately want the dad from Malcolm in the Middle and his thugged out, suburban white partner to succeed in selling as much crystal meth to as many people as possible. It’s a little too heavy with family drama and “realism” and it can be slow at times, plus one episode usually leaves you unsatisfied, but holy shit can it be awesome.

3) Mad Men – Another show that takes a while to get into, then out of the blue you are a slave to the life of Don Draper. Jerk offs will tell you a large theme is about the drastic social changes that took place in the 1960’s. I say it’s about how amazing it would have been to live back them, as long as you were a straight white male. Imagine this life: Go to work and hang out with your pals all day, drinking and smoking like champs. Then you get home, your wife has dinner ready, she leaves you alone and on the weekends you take the family out for a good time. Well chicks DID know their place until Betty Draper broke my heart and made me plot sweet revenge in the last episode of season two.

4) Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles – My sister begged me watch this really stupid sounding show. It’s actually damn good. Nice and moody, and a damn good cast as well. Another show I didn’t want to like but is actually very good. I hope they don’t cancel it.

5)Lie to me – Smart show with some originality. Honestly it could be a show that has a guy eating dirt the whole time, as long as it stars Tim Roth I’m all over it.

6) 24 – Holy shit, fucking Jack Bauer. Another show I really wanted to mock, but secretly dig. Of course 24 is still very absurd and this has turned out the be the weakest season to date but it is still, well, fucking Jack Bauer yo.

7) The Office – Alright, here is the lowdown dirty truth. Great show, can get a tad annoying after a while. Still, it is a wonderful fusion of English and American humor.

It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia – Oh sweet Prometheus, oh Mighty Thor. God crafted three people, threw in Danny Devito, and made Charlie out of a W. Tray White living in some alternate universe. A universe where I never get married and I am not ashamed to admit that I pee in a can next to the bed, or eat cheese from a mouse trap. Sunny is the only show I can remember in recent years that made me laugh so hard I had to pause the TV because I couldn’t breath.

9) Big Love – Well done show. Polygamy seems kind of decent if you have some spare cash and a silly amount of patience. Hits little close to home so I always feel kind of spooked out after watching, but well done show.

10) House – The Sherlock Holmes transformed into a medical mystery every week for American television, starring Hugh Laurie. That limey bastard is absolutely perfect playing the rough, angst ridden, obnoxious, semi-crippled, thieving, genius, American Doctor. The formula is rather basic but it always satisfies, and when the writers do throw a curve ball in it just becomes more delicious. Say what Amber? Oh, now just throw in his pill popping and you have perfection.

Side Note:

Battlestar Galactica, the show everyone has been telling me to watch is no more. I was going to let it pass by but a friend of mine said Adama would “maul” Captain Kirk, a statement that still enrages me. Well I started watching it. Not bad, but Kirk has way too many moves for Adama. Besides I have never been able to look at Edward James Olmos the same after the movie American Me. The dude just creeps me out.

Xbox live – Call of Duty – Lesson 1 – game lobby

Written for the Call of Duty 4 or 5 player who is finally ready to step up his game. (Yes I said “his” not “her” because girls suck at video games, and the ones who do play are attention harlots craving daddy like approval by 14 year old gamers fags because they are too ugly to be proper whores turned strippers)

The Xbox Live – Call of Duty players guide to game lobby tactics before Search and Destroy:

*Note: Avoiding friends for their own safety by appearing offline when your EXPLOSIVE RAGE MUST BE FELT BY EVERYONE is only recommended for seasoned shit talkers with amazing skill. This dangerous solo experience is not a part of the immediate discussion as it is a few steps above your skill level.*

Step 1

Preparation:

-A gallon of water to quench the thirst of your herpes infested mouth.

-Sun Chips, Doritos, or any food with a loud crunch for hunger as well as annoying every dick hole on the other end of your mic.

-Several empty Gatorade bottles an arms length away to stick your baby penis in when you need to relieve your pathetic and woman sized bladder.

Step 2 (final step)

Game instructions:

-Put in Call of Duty 4 or 5.

-Go online.

-Make sure you have your “piss everyone off class” ready to go. Said “class” should be either:
A) M-16, overkill with double noob-tubes and steady aim.
B) M-16, 3 frags, Juggernaut, last stand with a Degal.
(B is my personal choice but either work to provoke crying)

-Get invited by your friends to join their party.

-Listen to a friend start a story, regardless of the topic, quickly cut him off and accuse him of being a liar and a homosexual.

-Argue until your party is placed into a game lobby.

Note: This is where it starts to get tricky. The reason is because most of your friends are assholes, after all that’s why you are friends with them. Being on a team with 5 other assholes creates a competition between everyone as to who can be the biggest cocksucker in the room. Your goal is to be the most offensive while still being creative. To stand out as the one player most opponents wish horrific and slow spontaneous combustion upon, having the amalgamation of fantastic game play and highly uncalled for and/or offensive remarks always on standby is a must. In other words, if you suck at the game your 5 minutes of glorious shit talk will turn into a nightmare that will force you to “accidentally” disconnect your Xbox live from shame overload.

Your goal is to be the first out of the gates, setting the obnoxious standard for the day and leading your fellow online Nero inspired pals to glory.

THE WARM UP

-Once in the lobby someone will be talking because some douche is always talking. Find the culprit daring enough to speak in your presence and say, using a belligerent John Wayne bravado: “Hey fuck face, yeah you (insert name) why don’t you just shut the fuck up already. No one cares, you are not important, and you are going to die alone very, very soon. So how about you just shut your mouth, yeah? Can you do that for me tough guy?”
OR..
SIMPLY SAY:
“Excuse me. I just wanted to let you know that I am going to come to your house and rape your dog if you don’t zip your lip tubby”

This is a blunt tactic intended to make the lobby erupt in outrage and chaos. The victim is usually too stunned by genuine confusion for a snappy response so his party members come to his rescue. This opens the door for all lobby members to scream wild accusations of homosexuality, 1 vs. 1 challenges, and threats of murder. Only seasoned players are able to focus after such an unwarranted attack and will usually be so eager to murder your digital body they continue to make mistakes and die, often quitting before the game is over.

THE RACIAL APPROACH
(To practice for now, will add details in later lessons)

-Every player can do this, but only few do it well. It requires a genuine sounding redneck accent and a thugged out ghetto accent. As a beginner do not expect to be good, only to hone your skills. The concept is simple. If you are in a room with any “minority” turn your redneck accent on throw out racial insults. If you are in a room full of crackers, turn your thugged out accent on and act ghetto saying “blue eyed devil” as much as possible.

THE DREADED SPECIES ACROSS THE POND

-When the xbox live servers feel like playing a cruel joke you will be stuck with players from the U.K. The Limeys are worthy adversaries not to be underestimated. Unless you have skill I recommend keeping quiet unless you feel like being digitally raped and ear raped. 4 standard insults from Britfags to be expected: Eat a cheeseburger you fat cunt/ Still crying about 9/11, what happened to your poor towers?/You needed us to invade Iraq you twats/You have a black President…. For Britfags this comes as natural as alcohol abuse and teenage pregnancy. 4 Standard Americunt “greetings” when encountering Britfags are: Brush your teeth and get braces tea drinking faggot/I celebrate the London attacks on 7/7 like a second birthday/I fucked your queen/How much longer before the Muslims take over your Government again?…

As you can tell we are at a stalemate. This worthy foe has no shame and does not relent in the face of adversity.

For Americacunts entering a lobby full of Britfags strike first, strike hard, no mercy! Once you hear that accent feel free to use my 3 PROVEN attack maneuvers to help give you the upper hand before they know they have been thrown into a fight.
Quickly spew:
-Hey Harry Potter, shut the fuck up! (Sounds simple but strangely this makes them touchy)
or
-Your accent sounds so gay. Speak American asshole! (Used to disorient and frustrate, this only works if you repeat over and over sounding genuine, convincing your victims you have no concept of history and truly want them to speak “American”)
or
-I’m not sure what I find more amusing, the state of the British Empire or the jealously you try to hide in regards to America’s world dominance in every way. Hey, chin up though, at least you have Dunkirk!

When you are equally matched in game play and wits and desperately need a game changer, use this, or some variation:
*WARNING: USE WITH CAUTION AS IT HAS BEEN KNOWN TO ENRAGE BRITFAGS TO THE BRINK OF MADNESS*

-So how long have you had poor Madeleine McCann locked in your closet and how often do you molest her? How often does your dad double team with you?

For those poor chaps who shit talk but still feel like placing their E-mail address on their profile I will usually send the attached picture or one like it. Offending one on so many different levels is the definition of true joy.

Practice and expect the 2nd lesson only when you are ready for it.

Click on the picture to ENLARGE, then try to figure out what is more offensive, the content or confusing and terrible art work.
(If you do not know what a “Chav” is google it)